Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My five year relationship is going nowhere. How do I end it?

Question:  How Do I tell my boyfriend of 5 years that I don't see a future with him anymore?  I feel he is very attached to me, and is smothering me all the time.  Over the year or so, I don’t feel like I am in love with him anymore. What do I do? (San Jose, CA)

Social Shrink: Now, that is a tough situation to be in.  It’s going to be hard on him regardless, but you have to be honest with him.  I would suggest that you do sit down with him and tell him how you have been feeling lately and the things that are bothering you.  Communication is always key.  If you want some time apart to figure things out for yourself, then tell him.  He has a right to know.

If you plan to break up with him, expect him to be upset, but this is something that you have to deal with, because it is also your happiness in the end.  I wouldn’t try to use anything like “let’s still be friends” because in reality, you guys have always been something more and you both will need your time apart.  Remember to be true to yourself!  But do it soon, the more you drag it out the more resentful he will be.  It's better to tell him now before it gets harder!


  1. A dying relationship is like gangrene. You must cut it off...and do it quick before it spreads. That's right. Tie a tournequet around that relationship and end it.
    But the Social Shrink said that in a much nicer manner.

    - love the blog by the way.

  2. I totally agree with your advice. He does have a right to know & it would be selfish to not tell him & just lead him on. He needs to know asap so he can start the healing process. I would never stay in a relationship where I wasn't happy. I would want the other person to move on as quickly as possible and find happiness for themselves as well.

    Maybe, just maybe there could be a friendship in the future. (Not if it were me) but both parties will need time to cool off. Also, using "Can we still be friends?" Is hardly ever a good idea. It leads to a lot of confusion in most cases and can possibly cause even more hurt & would make it harder for the person trying to move on.