Friday, January 7, 2011

My girlfriend gave me an STD!

Question: I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months when I learned recently that I got herpes! I asked her about it (because I didn't sleep with anyone else since we've been together) and she said she got it from her ex when they were together but that she never cheated on me. She said she never told me about it because she didn't have an outbreak for a while and didn't think it was serious. I am so mad at her! I don't know what to believe - if she slept with her ex while we've been together or to believe her story? Plus, the fact that she didn't tell me in the first place pisses me off. What should I do? I have to live with this for the rest of my life! (Los Angeles, CA)

Social Shrink:  An STD in any form is shocking news, especially one that in incurable like herpes. However, let's not panic. Plenty of people have herpes or other forms of STDs, it doesn't make you any different than a person that doesn't. According to, over 50 million people have genital herpes and many don't even know they have it. Now that you know about it, make sure you take care of yourself and your immune system to prevent future outbreaks.

As for your girlfriend, if you did trust her 100%, you would not be writing to us for advice. You would believe her story and move on. You also mention the fact that she didn't tell you in the first place, which probably means you are hurt by her keeping secrets. But then again, look at it from her point of view as she was probably afraid to tell you or she may have been very unaware of the affects of herpes (and she may have been embarrassed). In any case, what's done is done. The question now is: has your girlfriend given you reason not to trust her? If so, then maybe she did do the dirty deed with her ex while she was with you. If there is no doubt in your mind that she was faithful, then forgive her for now but let her know you wish she was more honest with you. There is nothing she can take back now. You guys will just have to work on your relationship together and move on. Look on the bright side: if you are with her forever, then you don't have to worry about spreading herpes to anyone else!