Saturday, November 27, 2010

I Facebook stalk my ex-girlfriend... and can't stop!!!

[Source]
Question:  Social Shrink - I broke up with my girlfriend three months ago.  Ever since then, we haven't talked or have even seen each other.  As a result, I compulsively Facebook stalk her so I know know what she's up to.  She still puts regular updates and photos all over her Facebook page and I always need who is posting on her wall.  If I see a guy has written something, I need to stalk him as well just to make sure she's not seeing him.  I'm realizing that this isn't helping me get over her and don't know what to do!  I can't de-friend her since it will be obvious, but every time I sign on Facebook I go right to her page.  What should I do?  (San Francisco, CA)

Social Shrink:  Congrats on admitting you Facebook stalk!  There are many of us out there that will never admit how much we stalk people on Facebook, but let's get real - everyone does it!

What is very obvious is that you still have feelings for your ex.  This is natural, especially if you both went out for awhile, and it will take some time for you to get over her.  It won't get any easier (or faster) if you keep stalking her and having her on your mind every second.  The time you're spending stalking her you could be out meeting new girls to potentially date.

We agree that de-friending her may be too drastic.  In fact, what we think is the best idea is for you to LOG OFF Facebook, step away from your computer (or phone), and get out there and interact with people face to face!  Limit your time on Facebook to maybe once a day (in which case, a quick peek on her FB page may be okay).  You will feel less guilty because you will be out socializing and interacting with other girls rather than wasting time stalking her on the internet all day.  This way, you will be out doing your own thing and you never know, this may lead her to start stalking you!

10 comments:

  1. I think you should de-friend her, that will stop any temptation to go to her page and will motivate you to get out of the house!

    It will probably take a while to get over it, everyone is different, but if you keep fb stalking her it will take you longer to get over her and make you hold on to what was there. Stop living in the past and look forward to the future!

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  2. There could be a reason why she has not de-frieded you, to keep you hanging on as a spare tire or a ego thing, hee hee he still is wanting me. OR She could have just forgot to an maybee she is facebook stalking you back to see when you get a girl. Do that, get a girl to break free and see if she suddenly contacts you back or happens to run into you. Manipulators do such things.

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  3. I'm not sure that I understand this problem, because, this is precisely what facebook is for. If she didn't want you to fb stalk her...she should unfriend you. If you feel it's unhealthy...you should unfriend her. But you won't. You'll continue to fb stalk her until you find someone else who'll put up with your personal brand of crazy...or once you are finally over the relationship. good luck with that.

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  4. I think you should delete her as a friend until you are ready to move on. It obviously isn't working in your favor to stalk her so do yourself a favor and find healthy ways to move on!

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  5. Coming to think of it, Facebook can be useful after all, to give an outlook for people prone to physical stalkers. But what SS said, I feel, is absolutely right. You will miss her and you do need time to stabilize. And nothing like Facebook for it :). In the meantime try to recollect all the "bad" about her so you can get over it faster

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  6. Oops, made a mistake
    "an outlook for people prone to physical stalkers"
    should be
    "an outlet for people prone to be physical stalkers"

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  7. I still do the same thing to my ex boyfriend! Your not alone pal.

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  8. I think you Block her!! That way you wont see anything(comment, photos etc) relating to her. Because its not healthy and its not fair for the next person to come. Believe me I went through the same thing and Blocking was the best thing I did and in the end you just started to forget !!

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  9. i had the same problem, and defriending or blocking her doesnt really work. Wat does work is to jus be happy for her and to surround urself with friends and family who can help get ur mind off her. Until recently it all worked out oerfectly and we even regained friendship status, wen i found out she had been dating again everything went downhill from ther. In a chat with her, i found that she still had feelings for me, bt had moved on wenshe saw me with a other girl. Hearings she still had feelings for me didnt help at all, coz now im stuck again obsessin over her. I hav tried dating again but it never really went further than roughly 2 weeks.

    How can i get her off my mind enough, to move on with my life with someone else?

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