Sunday, November 28, 2010

Relationships = meeting halfway

Question:  I've been in a 4 year relationship and my girlfriend is not willing to compromise for us to be together.  We both finished grad school and are working now - she's in DC, I'm in Toronto.  She complains to me everyday how she hates her job and is only working 3-4 days a week.  I am starting my own business in Toronto and told her to move up here with me so we can work together.  Instead, she says she loves her life in DC and doesn't want to move.  I even told her I would move to NYC to be closer to her and for her to move there because there is better opportunity and her family is there, but she is unwilling to compromise.  What should I do? (Toronto, Canada)

Social Shrink:  Long distance relationships are hard; not only are you dealing with the difficulties of a relationship but you are also dealing with the distance and not being able to see each other as easily.  That can cause a lot of stress on the relationship.  You sound like you are willing to make a sacrifices to be with her, and are a little more practical with your career.  She does sound a little immature and willing to have fun over her career.  All relationships are based on give and take/compromise. 

So, if you are willing to take the steps to be together, you deserve someone who is also in that place.  It also seems like you guys may be at a different stage in your lives and with the different cities also brings different lifestyles.  You should have an open conversation about your concerns and see if she is willing to budge.  If not, you may be better off finding someone in the same city as you.  Best of luck!

Rule of thumb: always find someone who is willing to meet you halfway in a relationship!


  1. Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder. It doesn't sound like it does with her.
    I say...give her one more opportunity to compromise, and if she doesn't, then call it quits. There is something more there than just her shitty job that is keeping her there.'s her "life", I thought that was supposed to be with you. Whatever it is, that is keeping her there...she is basically saying that it's more important than you.

  2. Why can't you move for her? I think if you really loved her, you would realize what she is giving up also. I mean, if you are willing to move to NYC, why not move to DC? I personally think it's self-fish to expect someone to move when you won't do it yourself.