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The Social Shrink interviewed the author of “101 Behaviors a Guy Needs to Understand about His Woman!,” Jaymes Ian Woode, which comes out this Valentine's Day. This book talks about many of the odd behaviors that guys just don't seem to understand about women and a hysterical take on how to deal with them. Take a look below for our interview with Jaymes and how clueless guys can make their lives easier:
1. You have a lot of insight on women in your book, with an interesting and funny take on their behaviors. Based on your experience with women, why do you think they act the way they do?
Jaymes Ian Woode: I have to admit, I am often not quite sure how or why I understand women the way that I do. Maybe it was from watching my mother being mistreated when I was a child or it’s an innate ability or a combination of both. I seem to be empathic towards anyone who is struggling which is what led me to become a counselor. In my past counseling career, I listened to many women share their side of a relationship and I would sit there and look at the guy who seemed oblivious to her feelings. It just didn’t make sense to me. I mean, here is the woman you supposedly love and yet the guy wasn’t doing anything to give her what she needed from him. That really bothered me.
Soon, I learned that when men can apply humor in their own thinking about things, they have a better chance of not retaliating. This is why I added a lot of humor when explaining how they should respond in each of the 101 Behaviors I used in the book.
2. A lot of these behaviors are generalizations on how women would react to situations, do you think women would be offended if they read your book?
JW: I am very afraid that women would be offended because of the generalizations. However, I have personally witnessed, through my past relationships and in counseling, these scenarios really happening. My goal is certainly not to offend either side and I hope that women will see that my goal is to help men get a grip on similar situations in order to be there for their woman the way they are needed.
I think all of us can identify to some of the scenarios in the book and if you pay close attention to it, I focus primarily on helping the guy understand his woman so that he can provide healthy responses. She needs to know that he is willing to understand her. It makes for a safer and healthier relationship. Secondarily, I believe that women need to see how guys should treat them and respect their emotional needs as well.
3. With many of the answers to womanly behaviors, you pretty much tell men to give in and make a girl feel special. Do you think most guys would take your advice and submit to a woman?
JW: I think that any man who truly adores his beautiful woman would happily discover how to make her feel special and be there for her when she is going through a tough time. Who doesn’t deserve to feel special in a relationship? The guy should want to be the person that she can trust and lean on and who she knows adores her more than anything else. Relationships should offer equality, whereas the guy should be there for his woman just as much as she is for him.
If neither is there for each other than I would question the depth of the relationship and the absence of emotional support which may be something far more involved than what my book covers. Men are often known as fixers and they need to realize that many women don’t want to be fixed; they desire to be appreciated for who they are and want to be understood.
Not every situation calls for submitting and guys have every right to stand up for themselves just as much as women do but my book isn’t about who’s right and who’s wrong. My book is about helping men and women communicate on deeper levels more clearly with each other so they can understand what the other needs, thus creating a healthier relationship.
4. Women have many odd behaviors, how did you choose the ones to publish in your book?
JW: I think we all have many odd behaviors at times! But, as I mentioned earlier, believe it or not, the scenarios come from real-life experiences that I have witnessed in my personal relationships and/or through working with couples in counseling. I chose these particular behaviors because they were the ones most common or most bizarre. I figured it would cover all of the basis as the reader can take the knowledge in the book and apply to other areas more fitting to their relationship.
The biggest obstacle in helping me decide was figuring out which behaviors causes relationships to often go backward instead of forward. It’s like the question, “Why take two steps back to only gain one step forward?”
5. Your book ranges from how to act around a woman's friends, her family to dealing with her PMS. Have you personally dealt with these situations with women?
JW: Yes! And so have many other men. Most women will tell you that there is a lot of truth in their emotional responses to certain environments or happenings. Guys have it too but I haven’t written that book yet. The one thing that I discovered in relationships to help guys is this: When a guy can discover what his woman needs at a given time, (this requires communication between them) than he can do it.
Just like the example in the book when his woman leaves him sitting at a table and she takes off with her friends to the dance floor. How should he react to a supposed night out with his woman and her friends? Many guys would overreact and make it about them instead of trying to understand her.
6. If you can give one piece of advice for guys on how to deal with women, what would that be?
JW: I would say this: If you truly care about your woman, take a pause when she is acting in ways that you don’t understand and remind yourself that you are the one person that she has chosen to go through life with. Then, make things better by being there for her the way she needs you to during those times. It’s really not that difficult.