Tuesday, February 22, 2011

All my friends are prettier than me...

Take Ms. Gaga's advice - Lady Gaga - "Born This Way"

Question:  Recently, I've noticed all of my friends have been getting hit on when we go out to clubs - except me! It seems whenever we go to a bar/club, they are all talking to guys the whole time. I feel like no guys notice me. I'm not sure if it's just me but I feel like I don’t have sex appeal =( I know this might be my own insecurity but I can't help wonder why I don't get the same attention. Can you offer any advice? (Irvine, CA)

Social Shrink:  You want to know what is sexy? Confidence is sexy. Holding a conversation is hot.  Having that eye contact that tells the other person that you know who you are and what you want is extremely appealing.  You can be the most gorgeous girl in the room – but if you walk around hunched over and unsure of yourself, looking paranoid and insecure, then that is a big turn-off!

In your situation, if guys don't pay attention to you at a bar, then that's their loss. Since when does having a guy approach you at a bar validate your ‘hotness’ level?  Reassess the situation and look at what you are assuming about yourself.  Now throw all of those assumptions OUT THE WINDOW, and snap out of it!!!

As Lady Gaga said, "Don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you're set."  Going out with your friends shouldn't be stressful, it should be to go out and have fun! So don't worry about who is hitting on who or how many guys ask for your phone number.  Be confident that you look great, have an amazing group of friends, and don’t need any guy to validate your self-worth.

Once you are able to love yourself for you and exude that killer confidence to the world, that is when you will be able to find someone who loves you for you.  Also, nobody said that you HAVE to meet a guy at a bar or club.  How about a coffee shop? Through friends?  A cocktail party at a friend’s place?  Bars and clubs actually are the most sketchiest to meet someone, so… that sucks for your friends who are finding guys there.

Moral of the story – no one is prettier than you: not your friends, not the girl walking by you, no one.  Because no one can compare to you at any level – you are you.  Know that you deserve the very best and one day you will find the right guy for you who appreciates you as the unique and beautiful individual that you are - no matter where the place you meet.


  1. Be more confident! As Social Shrink said! Guys will get turned off if you are all self-conscious about them talking to your friends. Heck, if all my friends were talking to guys and left me, I would go dance on my own. More room for me on the dance floor!

  2. Great advice and very true. The confidence you display will attract the higher standard of men because those with nothing going will feel like you're out of their class.

    So show off your confidence and with or without a man love you. You are unique so don't compare yourself to anyone else. They can't be you or you them.

  3. Nice point of view that should be take into consideration.

  4. For as long as I can remember, I've felt that ALL of my friends are prettier than me... :/

    I know this for a fact because this one time, a guy had a huge crush on me. He would literally act as my slave sometimes... helping me with stuff, holding things for me before I even ask him to, and doing whatever I told him to do. Since I had NEVER gotten that much attention from a guy before, I was flattered. And no, I did not like him back in THAT way, but we were great friends.

    And then, the next year, he got to know my 3 best friends. All of a sudden, he started treating them the way he used to treat me -- being extremely nice to them, etc., and began to treat me like shit.
    Don't get me wrong -- I don't like him in that way, and I probably never will.

    It's just that this one situation pretty much proved that my friends are prettier than I am... how can a guy have a crush on me, and then just as quickly move on to my best friends?

    Just proves that I'm ugly...

  5. Its so easy for people who have never had these problems to give advice like "be confident" or "focus on just having fun" or "its what is inside that counts". LIES, LIES, AND MORE LIES. The people you are seeing that are getting hit on have confidence-why?-because they are given a reason to be confident! They have direct proof that they are good looking because of the attention they get, so of course they are going to be confident (unlike a girl who has never had attention from the opposite sex given towards her). How can you possibly have confidence when you have not been given a reason to have it. Also, the comments like "you are you" and "individual" are too idealistic for my taste. This world is a dog eat dog world. The ugly get spit on and considered worthless while the good-looking- no matter how horrific their personality- gets glorified and treated as though they should get everything they want. Sure we can try to "be confident" and "have fun" but it will be fake and we will be kidding ourselves with the ideal of a life that can never be for us- a life for the beautiful people of the world

    1. Thank you for telling the truth. This overly simplistic advice is making me gag.