Thursday, November 18, 2010

Laid off friend = no-show for my birthday party.

QuestionMy friend recently got laid off.  She knew it was coming for about a month, but was still pretty upset the day it happened.  It turns out that same weekend was my 25th birthday - I had planned a big birthday bash with my closest friends in the city.  My laid off friend was really involved in the planning and was so excited.  Now that she got laid off, however, she tells me she doesn't want to come because she "doesn't want to spend money."  I'm really upset about this... do I have the right to be? (Palo Alto, CA)

Social Shrink: That's a tough one.  There are two ways to look at this: (1) If your other friends (and maybe even yourself) could find a way to pitch in money so that she didn't have to spend any the night of your party, it would show that her presence and sharing the occasion with you is what is truly important. When you look back on the event no one is going to remember if she spent all this money on you; you are going to look back on what happened and the memories created.  If I was your friend, even though getting laid off may have put a damper on my"partying" mood, I would still try and find a way to be there for your celebration.

(2) The other way of looking at it is that getting laid off sucks and you should be sympathetic.  You'll have a birthday the next year and the year after, so if she is a good friend, she'll make it up to you then.  Perhaps you could offer to get together one-on-one with just you and friend after the blow of getting laid off subsides.  Maybe the following week would allow some time for your friend to get used to the news. 

Whichever way you want to look at it, you should still make sure to have fun on your birthday - even if your friend isn't there.

What are your thoughts?

1 comment:

  1. I agree, birthdays and holidays are a time to spend with your closest friends and family members. Nowadays, everyone is so busy with their own life, that it is hard to get a bunch of people together. These events allow us to have time with each other that would not necessarily occur on a everyday basis. It is far more important to be present and share in the celebration with your friends and family!