Question: This is the first year in a long time that I will most likely be alone for Valentine's Day and I hate it! I feel like calling up an ex and hanging out with him just so he can take me out on Valentine's Day though I know I don't want to pursue anything with him after that. All of my friends have bfs/gfs and it is driving me crazy, especially this time of the year! I've been talking to a few guys but not so sure if they are the type to do anything for Valentine's Day. How can I get through this stupid holiday?! (New York, NY)
Social Shrink: Don't panic, it's just a day! Don't let the sight of couples bring you down. Even though you are not in a relationship now, you still have friends and family that love you very much. Why let one day change all that? Also, don't count on these exes to take you out to do something special just because it’s Valentine's Day - you just might be even more disappointed.
Let's face it, guys will do the most minimal work possible and most of them won't do anything if they don't feel obligated. We also do not recommend calling up an ex just to have something to do on Valentine's Day. This will send the wrong message to him and complicate things between you two. You’re using them and that’s not cool.
To get over this feeling, focus on yourself. Do what makes you happy on a daily basis leading up to “V-day” and don't concentrate on where your friends are in their relationships. They are in different situations and you shouldn’t compare your happiness to others’ happiness – they are not equivalent.
For 2011, create your own definition of what Valentine’s Day is for you. For example, Valentine’s Day lands on a Monday this year. Perhaps this can be an opportunity where you reach out to some of your single co-workers and plan a Happy Hour gathering after work that day. Not only will you be doing something fun and not thinking about a significant other, but you will also be getting to know some new people that could eventually be great friendships down the line.
Don’t use this time to feel sorry for yourself (avoid watching sappy movies and eating ice cream from the container – you’ll regret it). Since you mentioned you’ve had Valentine’s in the past, use this year to take time away from the holiday and try something new. Be your own Valentine this year and do stuff that makes you happy! It’s a win-win!