Monday, January 3, 2011

How do I deal with a boyfriend who is always late?!

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Question:  I give my boyfriend plenty of space for his hobbies, etc. If he doesn't wanna stay with me some nights I never have a problem. What does pi$$ me of is when he says he will be here at a certain time (around abouts) but he always turns up hours later by which time it’s late and he doesn't think anything of it. I will state now before someone calls him a booty call that he doesn’t just come over for sex. I have talked to him about this before and he agreed that it wasn't right but he still does it. I have two kids and other stuff to worry about, not just him. Is the relationship worth it?

Social Shrink:  That's a toughie. Relationships are about compromise and it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is putting in the effort that you would like.  Not only are you being flexible with his schedule and interests, it doesn’t seem like he’s reciprocating that considering you have two kids and other things to deal with as well.

When he shows up hours late, it’s both rude and inconsiderate. I know you've talked to him many times about it, but let him know how precious your time is, especially with two kids. Let him know what your schedule is like - for example, tell him that you would love to see him but tell him the time frame that you are available. Let him know that if he shows up past X time, you are not going to answer the door or pick up his phone call.  After you give a time frame and he continues to be late, you know that he does not value your time and the relationship may not be worth it.

Let him know what you told us: that you allow him to do what he needs to do, but you also need someone that appreciates you and your time as well. Make a time line for when he has to change by and if he doesn’t get his act together by then, we recommend you say bye-bye to him if things don’t improve.


  1. I had a girlfriend who was always late. I told her it was rude and inconsiderate. She disagreed. Then someone in her life was late on her all the time and she saw the self-centeredness of it. She tried to change, but it never really happened.

  2. That is rude! It seems like he doesn't appreciate you. I think you should break up with him. You deserve better.

  3. That is rude, however, is he only always late to see you? Or is he late for everything? Perhaps this isn't a situation where he is only late to see you. If he is the kind of person that is generally late in life, then he has to work on improving that. Perhaps you can tell him to change his clocks back or tell him things start a lot earlier than it really does. And who knows, he may show up early!!

    However, if this is a matter of just being late to see you, I think you need to ditch him. He is not considering your feelings or that he is disrupting the lives of young children coming home late. He is a CHILD himself!! Give this boy a curfew or kick him out!