Question: My best friend's ex-boyfriend cheated on her and when I first heard that, I wanted to kick his ass! Then I wanted to beat up the girl he cheated with. We all go to school together and everytime I see my friend's ex or the girl he cheated with, I always yell rude comments to them or give them dirty looks. My other friends think I'm going too far, but I'm doing it for my best friend. Shouldn't I defend my best friend? She's the one that got screwed over! (Laguna Beach, CA)
Social Shrink: Have you heard the news recently about Chelsea Handler calling out Angelina Jolie as a "homewrecker"? Chelsea went off on Angelina at her show last Friday in defense of her good friend Jennifer Aniston. Maybe it's a PR stunt or she's trying to be funny, but Chelsea is rehashing something that happened a few years ago. Are her intentions good? Perhaps, since she's doing it for Ms. Aniston. Is her approach the best? Probably not.
While it's great that you want to be there for her friend, your anger about the situation is validating your best friend's anger and prohibiting her from moving on. While it's upsetting that she got hurt and she has every right to be angry, it is unhealthy for her to carry this anger and resentment - especially if it involves talking s--t (which isn't the most productive use of time).
Learning from the Chelsea Handler example: It's amusing to see Chelsea talk smack about Angelina, but stepping back, she just seems really angry about something that is in the past. Chelsea is fighting Jen's battle when the issue is really between Angelina and Jen. When you get involved, you just look like you're meddling - even though you're intentions are good.
We suggest you stop with the comments or dirty looks. You're giving them attention and they don't deserve it. Instead, ignore them completely. You'll be sending a stronger message that they don't deserve your time at all. Put that attention back to your best friend - and help her move on.