Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Should I tell my boyfriend I cheated? It meant nothing!

Question:  I am currently back for semester break and the other night I was at a party and an old high school crush was there. We were talking and flirting and one thing led another another. The next thing I know, we were making out! The dilemma I have is that I have a boyfriend who I am madly in love with and want to be with long-term. We have been going out for about a year now and I know he will freak out if he finds out. I'm not sure if I should tell him... I know this was a one time thing because I don't want a relationship with my high school crush. We were just drinking and having a good time. I really do want to be with my boyfriend but am afraid this will ruin our relationship... but the guilt of not telling him is killing me. Should I tell him?  (Miami, FL)

Social Shrink: While we always believe honesty is always the best policy, it is ultimately up to you since you know your relationship with your boyfriend and yourself the best.  We can look at this scenario in two ways: (1) a drunken, thoughtless act that you don't understand how it even happened; or (2) an outlet for suppressed emotions you may have that stem from your unhappiness with your current boyfriend. 

Let's take a look at the situation: on one hand you have your crush from high school who you had a one time thing with and then your (hopefully) long-term boyfriend that you want a future with. If you tell your boyfriend, he will be upset, mad, hurt - every emotion imaginable will bubble up and could possibly end the relationship.  Ask yourself: how will your boyfriend react?  Will he be resentful and never let it go?  Assess his personality and how he would cope with it.

If you don't tell him, you will be ridden by your own guilt of not owning up to what you have done. You should take a look at your relationship and be sure this is a one time thing. If it was only because you got caught up in the moment, then I would suggest you keep this to yourself. It will only hurt your boyfriend and even if he continues the relationship, it will drastically change things between the two of you. However, if you are seeing traits in this crush of yours that you are attracted to (drunk or not) that is not present with your boyfriend, then maybe it is time to end things with him if you're catching yourself having a wandering eye. This could be a sign that there are underlying problems in your relationship and you are looking for other guys to compensate.

All in all - you don't need to tell your boyfriend if it was a slip in judgment that would only happen one time.  Likewise, make sure you re-examine your relationship and figure out if your drunken escapade happened for a deeper reason.


  1. My advice is: Don't tell your boyfriend about it, it won't do anything good if you tell him. It's like breaking a mans trust, believe me he will dump you in a flash. Everybody have their own secrets, erase that drunken romance away from your mind.

  2. I agree with Selbon - if you tell your BF then your conscious will be clear, but most likely so will your relationship with him.

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  4. "We were talking and flirting and one thing led another another."

    You apparently knew what you were doing. You were disloyal, and you should own up to it.

  5. I totally agree with Angela!! If it was a one time thing, who cares? You should still be honest with your bf. Is that really the kind of relationship you want? It is best to be upfront with him, maybe it was a one time thing with this guy, is it going to be a one time thing with another?

  6. It really doesn't matter. And I think that we put too much weight on something as silly as making out. If you truly love him and care about him that is what is important. It's not worth telling him really, as long as you know it is a one time thing.

    My one piece of advice here is that if there is any risk that everyone would find out about it, then it will look like you were consciously dishonest, which is bad. But it's also probably better than telling him and having him 100% know for sure that it happened. It can be really difficult for someone to forget and forgive something like this.

  7. I honestly strongly say you tell him.
    It's better being real and straight up
    than being a liar and fake!

    Also you say you "love" him
    If you did you wouldn't cheat.
    You don't love him. You like him alot?

    && drinking and having a good time
    is nowhere a reason! No excuse.