Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My ex is using all of my old sexts against me!

Question: I dumped my ex-boyfriend two weeks ago and he did not take it very well.  Ever since then, he's been contacting me and begging me to get back together with him.  I keep rejecting him and telling him it's 100% over but he won't stop!  I think he's realizing I won't get back with him and it set him off.  Just the other day he threatened to send my family, friends and whoever was on his phone a nude photo I sexted him while we were going out.  I'm desperate - what do I do?! (Los Angeles, CA)

Social Shrink:  That's quite the situation you got yourself in.  Just so we can inform the general public what "sexting" is: according to Wikipedia, sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones.

First thing's first, if you are in high school, you are underage and your boyfriend could be charged with child pornography.  This situation is a lot more serious than just a teenage break-up. Just putting that out there.

If you are over eighteen (which I hope you are), it seems that your boyfriend doesn't fully understand why you ended things with him.  Due to this unfinished business, he is feeling desperate and resorting to these crazy threats.  Assuming that your ex-boyfriend is a sane young man with a (usually) good head on his shoulders, we will just say this threat was a lapse in judgment.

You mentioned that your ex has been calling you and trying to get you to talk to him.  You may need to talk to him face-to-face since your break-up and allow him to do the talking and ask the question.  The fact that he was dumped by you may have caught him off-guard, and he may feel at a loss as if he didn't get his word in.  Set up a time to speak with him again and give him the opportunity to ask what went wrong.  Make it a mature conversation, let him know that you both can still be friends, and tell him you need to move on.

Once that is all clear, bring up the "sext" and let him know that it was not cool for him to use that against you as leverage.  It's especially messed up since you sent that to him because you trusted him as your boyfriend (at the time).  If you can get him to agree to delete the sext, that would be ideal.  In most cases, he won't... and you just need to trust him that he won't send it.

BOTTOM LINE:  You should never assume anything sent via phone or the internet is private or will stay that way.  According to the National Campaign to Support Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, roughly 20 percent of teens admit to participating in "sexting" - this was done back in 2008.  With the upsurge of smart phones and tablets such as the iPad, you can only imagine the increase in this percentage.  

We hope your sext remains private between you and your ex, and for any future relationships, avoid the sexting and just stick to human interactions.

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