Friday, December 10, 2010

I'm jealous of my sister! How do I stop?

Kourtney, Kim and Khloe Kardashian
Question:  I have a younger sister who is two years younger than me.  We are both in our twenties now and despite being adults, I can’t help but hate on her every time she succeeds at something, has a new boyfriend, wears something that looks good on her, etc!  I know I’m being petty about superficial things, but I really want to get over this jealousy that I’ve had towards her that I’ve carried with me ever since we were kids.  How can I stop this jealousy?  (Los Angeles, CA)

Social Shrink:  Sibling rivalry is natural and I’m sure that it has helped build your character over the years.  If you didn’t fight with your sister as kids, do you think you would be as tough and confident now?  Siblings help us learn how to deal with our peers as we grow up, so you should thank your sister for keeping you on your toes.

In terms of jealousy issues over things such as boyfriends, clothes, or accolades, take to heart this quote: "Don't waste your life on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end it's only you with yourself."

Recognize that while you may be jealous over certain things about your sister, your sister may have been jealous all her life over YOU.  As her older sister, perhaps she’s aimed to follow in your footsteps, listened to the same music as you, wanted your smile, or wanted to copy your haircut.  Look at the ways you have influenced your sister and the effect you have had on her life.
 
Take the Kardashian sisters: Kim started off as the most famous sister with all of the media attention.  Over the years, Kourtney had a baby and Khloe married an NBA player now living in a huge mansion – all things Kim doesn’t have.  All three sisters may be jealous of eachother: Khloe may be jealous of Kourtney and Kim for their bodies, Kim may be jealous of Kourtney that she has a baby and not her, and Kourtney may be jealous of Kim for all her media attention.  Despite this, these jealousies don’t fuel their relationship because above it all, these sisters are there for one another through thick and thin. 

Reach out to your sister and make sure you appreciate that you have each other.  Having a sibling is a great gift – they will many times be the only ones who will know you best.  Be happy for your sister and her accomplishments.  She will see that you support her and that will only bring the both of you closer.

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