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Question: I have a sorority sister that everyone in my school is labeling as a "slut." I don't want to call her one because she is my sister and my best friend - but the way she acts around guys is so crazy!
She has a different guy over at least a few times a week. If she has a boyfriend at the time, she'll cheat on him. She will also hook up with guys that have girlfriends already. Really, I wouldn't be surprised if she hooked up with another sister's boyfriend and just hasn't told anyone! I don't know what to do because she is also my best friend and when I try to tell her that none of us approve of her behavior, she takes it as us being jealous or says it's just because she can get guys so she can't help it. Even the guys she has hooked up with talk about her and how she's "been around," and now most of them just want to have sex with her because they heard about her escapades.
When she is single, she gives her number to every random guy she sees - like one time me and my sisters were at a club and this one guy was just standing there, asking every girl that passed by to give him their number (and believe me he was UGLY!). While the rest of us were laughing in his face, we turn around and she is inputting her number in his phone! Help, I don't know how to have a serious conversation with her without her thinking it's because we want to be just like her. I am legitimately worried about her well-being, her reputation and her future. (Amherst, MA)
Social Shrink: Wow, that was quite the vent session you had yourself there! Your friend sounds like a handful for sure! Especially since you already brought this up with her before and it seems she takes it on the defensive.
I really think you should sit her down and have a serious talk where she doesn't feel you are confronting her. Genuinely let her know you are concerned. Tell her that her business is her business (which it is) but that you have heard things from other people and you are worried. Let her know it upsets you when you hear others call her a "slut" or "easy." Give an outside perspective of what others see her as, since she may have no idea so many people are talking about her in such a way.
Let her know why you are worried and ask her if she is using protection, birth control, and if she knows about these guys she is hooking up with. When it becomes reckless and unsafe, she could be putting herself at serious risk for sexully transmitted diseases or unplanned pregnancy. Additionally, this reckless behavior may potentially lead to other careless behavior and lead her to spin out of control. A person's behavior is hard to change overnight, so if this is the way she's always been, she probably likes getting a lot of attention from guys.
Perhaps she has issues with self-esteem and if the situation becomes too out of hand (such as pregnancy scares, constantly contracting sexually transmitted diseases, etc.), she may need professional help. You can encourage her to go to a self-esteem support group or see a therapist. While many people like to have fun in college, when they are risking their health, well-being, academics and reputation, they need to re-prioritize. Support your friend and offer your advice on how she can still have fun without the reckless and "easy" behavior. In the end, however, just remember that her decisions are her own, you are there to support healthy decisions for her. But, in the end, she will ultimately be responsible for her own actions.
I hate to break it to you...but you already know the truth. She is a slut. She has already been branded as one. 20 years from now, people will still remember her as "that sorority slut" even if she does clean up her act.
ReplyDeleteYou can tell her how you feel, but ultimately, this is all about her.
There is nothing - absolutely NOTHING - wrong with being promiscuous. At all. It is possible that she is trying to "self-medicate" some psychological issues, but it's not fair to jump to that conclusion. The OP, as her friend, is in a better place to make that judgment call, and would be able to tell if she's just having fun or if she is reaching out.
ReplyDeleteBut SS brings up very good points about safety, and I think the OP should talk to her friend about using protection and reliable birth control and getting frequent STI tests. (Most universities have free clinics for students) If she is not careful, she could be endangering herself and every partner she has sexual contact with.
I'm gonna repeat it because everyone needs to realize, there is NOTHING wrong with promiscuity, as long as you look after you health.
Sorry buddy, but majority of sorority girls are like that. Just be glad that your not one of them. I've met plenty of girls, and honestly not only are they promiscuous there not very appealing or nice its almost as if they go about themselves as better then everyone else. THe person above said theres nothing wrong with being promiscuous except that is allows women to degrade themselves and allows men to do so as well. Women are works of beauty and art, and should ALWAYS respect themselves at least in front of an audience. If you want to be a slut go ahead but behind closed doors at least then everyone else thinks you have some class. But sure maybe she has some issues and she feels better when having someone inside her. But then again maybe she just likes the feeling to much. Be a friend, don't say anything. Because if you do, youll find out what kind of friend she really is.
ReplyDelete"Women are works of beauty and art, and should ALWAYS respect themselves at least in front of an audience."
ReplyDeleteEw. That is gross, archaic and sexist.
Please enlighten me, what is "degrading" about sex?
To What's My Name? ... Just because you knew some sorority girls that were promiscuous, does not mean they all are. Please don't stereotype as many there are as many "slutty" sorority girls out there as there are non-sorority slutty girls. And what do you mean, be a friend and don't say anything, shouldn't being a friend mean you are concerned and therefore address the issue with her? Seriously, where did you go to college...?
ReplyDeleteI didn't say sex is degrading I said that women who are being promiscuous in front of any audience allows men to think of them as some ass, instead of an actual woman. And that is degrading to women. ALthough some women don't care they look at men as ass, you'd hope more women would get some class. You know "classy on the streets, freaks on the sheets." And Latoya.. your right its wrong to judge people based on the fact that I don't know every single sorority girl in the world, but its okay for me to base my own opinion on them because of what I have seen and do know. I mean majority of girl don;t like to lsiten to things they don;t want to hear.. and if your like "Yo sis I heard your being called a slut" Its not like shes gonan care she obviously already knows and the last person shes gonna want to hear it from is her so called friend. Just leave her alone is what I mean, everyone learns on there own. All you can do is be yourself, and be proud of who you are. P.S college doesn't teach you life lessons. Maybe you shouldn't only base your wisdom of books.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Nanoinfinity. Seriously, people can do whatever they want. And people talk smack all the time, even if you never slept with anyone before, if you even reject a guy, they will go around saying you are a "slut." So to Miss Melicious and What's My Name - stop assuming things about people. Rumors start from one person and can definitely spread like wildfire. Though the person that wrote in did say their friend does do this, she only knows because she is her friend. We should stop labeling women as "slut," "hoes," "whores" and looking down on each other. Everyone should have the freedom to do what they want without being judged. I know that doesn't happen in the real world but we should definitely aim for it.
ReplyDelete"I didn't say sex is degrading I said that women who are being promiscuous in front of any audience allows men to think of them as some ass, instead of an actual woman. "
ReplyDeleteSo, are women who go out looking for sex and one-night stands "degrading" men? By your argument, men can have casual sex and it's "degrading" to women as a whole, but a woman looking for casual sex is still somehow "degrading" women as a whole.
If men are making a leap from "this woman has casual sex for fun" to "women are useful only as providers of sex," the problem is with the men and we should not, under ANY circumstances, punish the woman for it. That is a ridiculous shift of blame and indicates that you have internalized some of the more archaic and sexist messages modern society has to offer.
I agree with nanoinfinity.
ReplyDeleteI have my personal opinions, but I think that this girl might have low self esteem issues. The constant sex is only part of it. Obviously there is nothing wrong with having sex, or liking the feeling. Its all up to her what she wants to do with her body.
ReplyDeleteIt's about being safe not getting pregnant, stds. The other thing that bothers me is that it seems that she really doesn't wait to actually get to know people before doing the deed with them. Like the guy at the club. Even when it's "just sex" there needs to be a certain amount of trust. People could hurt her more ways than one.
I personally think it's a little degrading, and yes with nanoininfinity I think she is degrading men! haha. There is so much more to people than sex so many great minds, and interesting things about people. But hey I'm sure that's not how she sees it, and I wouldn't make her.
As a friend tell her how you feel don't cover it up. You shouldn't label her yourself, but just explain what is bothering you. You should be able to be open with your best friend.